my two roads

I'm not really sure why I haven't been in the mood to blog lately. I've barely even kept up with reading ya'lls posts. My SALT program interview was yesterday in Philly. I feel good about it I guess, I mean I'm pretty sure I'm eligible and all, but it's hard to say if they will be able to place me somewhere. It's completly in God's hands what will come to be. The strange part is that even though I struggle a bit about what I really want, all in all I'm ok with whatever happens. I guess once you accept the fact that nothing stays the same, life is a lot easier to live when you don't resist the change. Change happens and you can't really do much despite the protest. It's weird because I still can make the decisions for the most part. So I guess this poem has been on my mind a bit lately.

The Road not Taken
Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

Actually the Sacred Romance, the book I'm reading with my bookclub, has an excerpt from that poem and then goes on to say:

We strike off down the road feeling much more alive than we have in a while. We are clueless as to how we will cross the abyss, but we feel a gladness to be on our way. Nonetheless, many questons nag at our consciousness as we walk. How are we to understand this journey which so few dare to travel? How are we to bring all of the character and plots of the Sacred Romance (have to read the book to understand this) together in our hearts and minds in a way that allows us to be transformed by the Story God is telling? Do we have all we need for the journey? Did we pack carfully enough to travel this more unknown road that is the way of the heart? Perhaps we should return home and get a few more things and a good night's rest before we undertake such a pilgrimage. All these things are on our heart as we begin.

Yeah, I guess that explains some of what I've been feeling. Both roads seem promising to me....going away for missions, and staying here to see what progress will be made in my relationships. I don't know if those roads will ever meet up in the future...so to chose one, I have to be prepared to let the other go. Am I ready to fully accept that? Why is it that nothing ever really seems to fall into place for me until after the fact? That part is hard...but that's what faith is all about. Trusting in the unseen.