hard to swallow

I hate to admit it, but I think it's true...I'm a commitment-phob. I want so much to be able to just jump right in and know that I can expect something to stick around for awhile, but it seems like once I do, everything just always seems to find a way to fade away. It's so dissapointing. It's true when they say nothing lasts forever.
I'm not 100% certain, but I'm pretty convinced that my sunday school group, III Twenty is going to cease. This really disheartens me because I spent such a long time trying to find a sunday school in an atmoshpere where I felt I belonged. III Twenty did that for me. It was a group of people around my age who were on the same page as me. It was so awesome to have a ministry that reaches out to 20's and 30's who actually may not have gotten married yet. We singles need that sort of thing, otherwise we see all our married friends everywhere we look and then begin feel like 2nd-hand leftovers. Plus, I got good teaching and now it's going to come to an end (I assume). I was starting to make friends, I was starting to grow, I was starting to have a positive outlook on things. Part of me really wants to believe that it's me jumping to conclusions, but it would just be my luck for it to be true.
So what now?? Where will I go next? Maybe I'm numb. Maybe I'm apathetic, or indifferent, or maybe I'm just kicking my real feelings to the curb, but lately it sure does ssem to feel like God is closing doors for me and not opening up new ones but deadbolting them instead. I'm called to trust God with my whole heart. I want to trust God, because if I can't trust God, then nothing is worth trusting in. But it's so hard. It's hard because although I'm soo amazingly blessed, my idea of how I would like my life to be and where God has my life now are conflicting. How do you give up something you really want so badly, and still be happy and fufilled? I'm pondering these things and feeling like a hampster in a wheel; draining all my enegry yet making no progress...going nowhere and accomplishing nothing. I feel like there's a constant struggle to lay down my wants to be obedient to Christ. It makes me so sad because laying them down makes me lose hope. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. No wait that's a lie. Nothing ever really made sense to me.
I just question everything now... I'm afraid to invest in people sometimes because I fear that once I let my guard down, I will get hurt or discarded. But it's like a paradox because I want to invest in people so much.
The thing that I hate about myself so much is that I have these ridiculous and I do mean RIDICULOUS insecurities and I don't know how to rid myself from them. It's like a shadow or worse, a like tumor that sucks the life out of you. I like the person I would be without this monkey on my back.
Well even David, had his down days right? He has seen the dirty bottom of a life with little meaning and felt attacked and hopeless at times. Yet God was still faithful to him and made him great. So I'll just cheer myself up with that and pull myself from the gutter and force myself to be happy. Once I do, that's where I find the answers I'm looking for. I know God has me and he's not going to let me go. I know this because he's never left me in want. (I may have left myself in want) but God always provided for me everything I've ever needed. So Praise God even when I'm dissapointed that the things I hold dear my come to pass, because my Father is the one thing that I know won't ever fade away!