Help?!

Ok guys...I need you to keep me in prayer. Right now I have some really personal junk going on in my life that never thought in a million years would happen. I just can't bring myself to talk about at this point in time...(don't worry, I didn't do anything wrong or incredibly stupid) Trust me I'm in prayer about it too...but there's this thorn in my flesh that I don't know quite how to deal with. So pray that I find the strength to be wise with my actions. I don't know why God is allowing me to struggle with what I am, and so far the only thing he's comforted me with is to just rest. So that's what I'm just going to have to do.
PS- please, please don't bring this post up with me...I just don't want to talk about it.

Finally the pot

The empty pot analogy

I painted this vase for my mom and gave it to her for Christmas. Today I made a connection between this vase and myself. I only painted the vase, I did not create it or actually form it with my hands, however, I did splash color onto its unique yet otherwise bland former existance. I gave it character and in essence put a piece of me into it...my personalilty, my individuality. I intentionally spent time on it scoping out it's unique design and imparting cautious attention to the details. I did not stick to a specific pattern, so it was not perfect so to speak, but it was beautiful in it's own special way. It's an unual object....not exactly sure what it's intended purpose is for. It seems to be multi-functional. It could be a vase to hold a plant, or it could used to store pens, pencils and markers, or it could be used as a small waste-basket, or it can just sit somewhere and look pretty functioning as imitation art decor. It can serve what ever purpose it's owner has intended for it.

In a lot of ways, I am like this vase. I know God uniquely created me, with insight to his character and his fingerprints are all over the masterpiece he made of me...this I can't deny although I may try. Although I have my own set of flaws and imperfections, overall I was made by perfection, and therefore I was made well, and I am to be used for a specific reason. God made me with a specific purpose in mind, but usually I feel empty inside like the vase. I do not feel useful. I'm just sitting here like a lump and not amounting to much especially seemingly failing the aspirations I once had for myself. That's the problem with free will. If I was the vase, maybe I'd want to encompass a plant, give it a home, keep it safe and contained. Then I would feel useful. Then I would have a purpose, right? But if God wants me to just be art decor at this point in time what can I do about it? What say do I have? I can will to be a plant holder until I am blue in the face, frustrated, dissapointed, angry and full of doubt, but if my maker does not want that for me, I am only hurting myself. Why can't I just be content being art decor? Why can't I just be happy in the place God has me now? Maybe someday I'll hold a plant, but for now even if I am laking content, that's ok because I'm still in the possession of my maker. and that's right where I want to be.